Tour guides in America’s destination cities hear some very funny things as they show tourists around. Enjoy these, courtesy of the wonderful tour conductors of Old Town Trolley Tours of Boston, Washington, D.C., Savannah, St. Augustine, Key West, and San Diego.

From Key West, America’s only Caribbean island, favorite cruise ship port of call, with spectacular sunsets and amazing coral reefs:

• Visitor trying to get it all in: Will there be another sunset if I miss the first one?
• Cruise ship passenger who had one too many at Sloppy Joe’s Bar: What do you mean, my ship didn’t wait for me?
• From a shopaholic planning a boat trip out to the coral reef:  Can you shop at the reef?
• Tourist who slept through geography class:  Does the water go all the way around the island?
• Ditto: Can you dive under the island?
• Asked by visitors so obviously taken in by the island’s tropical ambience that they forget where they are:  Do you take American dollars?

From Washington, D.C., America’s capital, whose splendid monuments, memorials, and iconic buildings are visited by people from all around the world:

• Upon passing the National Mall, a perplexed visitor asks: Where are all the stores?
• Driving past the Executive Mansion, a question from a visitor missing the obvious:  “Why is it called the White House?
• In front of the U.S. Capitol, a mom is overheard eargerly telling her child: Look, that’s where the President lives!

From San Diego, America’s Finest City, a place with ideal weather, wonderful beaches, a sparkling bay, trendy restaurants, a large US Navy presence, lounging seals, and interesting history:

• From a visitor clutching a Passport to Adventure (a little booklet of tickets to various San Diego attractions):  Can I use this for identification?
• Asked more often that can be believed:  How long is the 2 hour tour?
• Ditto:  How much is free parking?

From St. Augustine, America’s oldest city, whose narrow cobblestone streets are lined with diminutive 16th century buildings made of coquina stone and wood, and whose centerpiece is the Castillo de San Marcos, the oldest masonry fort in continental North America:

• While purchasing tickets to the Old Town Trolley Tours of St. Augustine’s Ghosts & Gravestones tour, a visitor sincerely asks:  Will I see a ghost on the tour tonight?
• From a guest standing on a cobblestone street:  How do I get to historic St. Augustine?
• Along the tour, upon passing a shady stand of moss-draped Live Oak:  Is that a live oak as opposed to a dead oak?
• An inexplicable favorite:  How long is it going to rain?

From Savannah, ever gracious, where tourists enjoy historic homes lining tree-shaded historic squares, and fabulous lowcountry cuisine:

• From a visitor not too keen on geography or international current events:  I’ve been driving through Georgia, and I haven’t seen even one of those tanks in the streets they’re talking about in the news.

From Boston, whose colonial era ambience and historic sites draw visitors from all over the world:

• The distinctive Bostonian accent, which can sound a bit foreign to everyone, even to American visitors, is the subject of many funny stories.  The most common feature of Bostonian speech is the turning of the syllables ”er” or “ar” into ”ah.”  In Boston, “Parking cars in Harvard Yard” sounds like “Pahking cahs in Hahvahd Yahd”!  With that in mind, after being urged by the tour conductor not to leave Boston without trying its famous clam chowder (hear: chowdah), an American visitor, literally salivating to try this exotic Boston specialty and fearing she would not remember what to ask for, asked:  How do you spell it!  To which the conductor responded in surprise:  Just the way you do!
• Perplexing to many visitors is the pronunciation of Boston’s famous historic Faneuil Hall.  Some favorites:  Fanewli Hall, Nathaniel Hall, Nathaniel Hawthorne Hall.
• After giving a visitor instructions to get the the historic Paul Revere House, open to the public, the guest asked:  Is he there?  It took the perplexed trolley tour conductor a few moments to realize that the visitor was indeed looking for Paul Revere!

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